Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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