We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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