If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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