Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
