The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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