Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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