$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
