If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
