Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
