She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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