I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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