Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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