She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
