Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
