I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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