I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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