every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
