Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
