I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
