yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
