Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
