your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
