:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
