Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she told me i tasted like america
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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