At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
