is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im part way to drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
