He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
