she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
