ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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