My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
