My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
