I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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