I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
