I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
