Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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