i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
