Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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