you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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