I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
