Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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