Your dad touched me again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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