Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
