I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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