what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
