she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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