Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
