Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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