If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
