If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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