my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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