Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
