Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
